Discord
by Kitty Bandit
Summary: Two years after the Millennium Earl and the Noah have been defeated, Lavi and Allen leave the Order with their adoptive child, Ari. But even in peace, life is not easy.


Allen pulled at the hood over his head, covering the shock of white hair hiding underneath. He'd been sitting on the bench for nearly an hour now, and they still hadn't come out. The bag of groceries from the market sat ignored next to him as he stared at the ornate doors of the library. He grew impatient. They weren't supposed to take this long. Had something gone wrong? He drummed the fingers of his gloved left hand on his knee, anxiously waiting.

Finally, after another ten minutes, he spotted them. It was hard to miss Lavi's red hair. Allen stood, grabbing the grocery bag with one hand as he walked to meet them at the gates. Even though he could now see them, his apprehension didn't abate. The look on the child's face gave everything away, even if Lavi had a calm and upbeat demeanor.

"You're almost an hour late," Allen said to Lavi as they met up near the open gate. Turning his attention to the girl at his side, Allen brushed the long brown hair out of her face with his right hand. "Ari? How did it go?"

Ari kept her brown eyes focused on the cobblestones at her feet. She pursed her lips, but said nothing.

Lavi intervened. "I think it went well. Ari, you did fantastic for your first real meeting with the Clan."

She looked up at Lavi then, as if he'd grown two heads. "Are you kidding, Dad? They basically said I sucked."

"They did not. They just said you needed to work on a few things," Lavi assured, already looking uncomfortable.

"Yeah, like _everything_." She looked away again, keeping her eyes downcast. "Can we go, please?"

Allen wrapped his arm around her shoulder and started walking. "Of course." He looked at Lavi over her head, but the redhead refused to meet his gaze.

xXxXxXx

Their small two bedroom apartment left much to be desired. The windows were tiny and all they could see was the dirty alley between their building complex and the inn next door. They'd been renting it on a weekly basis for nearly two months now, though Allen could already tell they'd be on the move again. Lavi had that look in his eye — lost in thought most of the time — and he'd been slowly packing things here and there. It was a dead giveaway to any upcoming travel plans.

Allen grabbed some discarded clothing off the floor of Ari's room and dumped them into the laundry basket as she sat in bed reading through a large book. It looked too big for her little hands, but Allen kept quiet about it. Instead, he moved to the lamp near her desk and turned it down.

She looked up immediately at the lack of light. "Papa, I'm reading."

"It's late, Ari. You need to go to sleep." He continued to tidy up the room.

"But this is for Bookman stuff," Ari said, her fingers clenching on the edges of the book. "I have to read this."

"It'll be there to read tomorrow, sweetie," Allen insisted as he continued to clean.

"But…" Her voice began to break then, and Allen finally looked back at her. She looked close to tears.

"Ari?" He walked to the bed and sat down next to her, stroking her soft, brown hair as she continued to clutch the book in her hands. "What's wrong?"

"I just… I gotta get this right. I have to remember. If I don't, Dad will be mad at me."

"What?" Allen's eyebrows knit up in confusion. "Did he say that to you?"

"No… But he didn't have to." Ari wiped at her eyes and sniffled. He could tell she was trying to hide her tears, but wasn't able to hold them back. "I could tell. When the other Bookman said I was doing a poor job, he looked so disappointed."

Allen pulled her into a hug with one arm wrapped around her shoulders. "Sweetie, no. He's not disappointed. He's never disappointed with you, okay?"

"Yeah, sure."

"I'm serious, Ari." Allen pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head, then pulled the book out of her hands, setting it on the desk. "Now, please. Go to sleep. The sooner you sleep, the sooner you can wake up and start studying again."

Ari sighed, but nodded. "Okay, Papa."

Allen turned the light out the rest of the way. "Thank you, Ari. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Allen closed the door behind him, then let out a long sigh. His hands trembled as he moved into the living room. Lavi was at this desk, books and papers strewn around him. The lamp next to him still burned bright, and Allen doubted the redhead would be going to bed any time soon.

He walked straight over to Lavi, biting at his lip to distract him from the pain in his chest. When he reached the desk, he didn't even wait for the redhead to acknowledge his presence before speaking.

"What happened today? At your meeting with the other Bookmen?"

"Well, hello to you, too," Lavi said, still paging through his book.

"I'm serious, Lavi. This isn't a joke. What happened?"

Lavi sighed, then turned to face Allen. "You know I can't talk about it, Al. Official business and all that."

"Yeah? Well, then. Tell me why our daughter thinks that she's a disappointment."

The look of shock on Lavi's face eased Allen's own frustration for a moment. At least he was as taken aback as Allen had been. "What? Why would she say that?"

"I asked her and she said she could just tell that you think she is. She almost wouldn't go to sleep because she's trying to study all night long. So, _what happened_?"

Lavi rubbed a hand over his face, letting out a soft groan. "It's not bad, really. She just… The other Clan members at the meeting today said she wasn't progressing fast enough. She's already ten years old, and she didn't start studying with me until she was eight. Some of the other Bookmen said she was too old for it."

"Tell me you argued with them over it," Allen said, the frown on his face deepening.

"I did! But you know how they can be. Arrogant old codgers stuck in their ways." Lavi leaned back in his chair and pinched at the bridge of his nose. "I should've said something to her. I was just pissed off and I didn't want her to know."

Allen let out a shuddered breath, his fingers digging into the palms of his hands. "Is this how it's going to be, Lavi?"

"You're going to have to be a little more specific."

"This! I have to hear second hand how this lifestyle is hurting Ari because I'm not allowed to know about all this Bookman bullshit. I feel like I'm being kicked aside, that I don't have a say in what happens with _my own daughter_."

Lavi narrowed his eyebrows, face set hard against Allen's accusation. "She's my daughter, too. You think I'm not upset about this?"

"You don't seem like you're upset."

"What?! Do I have to throw a temper-tantrum for you to know that I'm not happy about it?" Lavi stood up and walked away from the desk, turning to keep his back towards Allen. "You act like this is my fault."

"Isn't it?" Allen said, his voice low simmering with anger. "It's your fault she joined as an apprentice in the first place, Lavi."

"Allen — don't. I'm not going to argue with you about this again."

Even with the warning, Allen continued. He was too angry to hold back now. "You wouldn't quit. You refused to quit."

Lavi turned then, a scowl on his face. "Yeah, I didn't want to quit. I didn't want to stop doing something I'd been training for my whole life. So, _so_ sorry I couldn't give up my life's work for you, Allen."

"It's not just for me, you asshole," Allen snapped back. "Or have you forgotten that you have a responsibility for Ari as well?"

"Of course I didn't forget."

"It sure seems like it—"

"Allen, just _stop_."

"The only reason you pushed her into becoming your apprentice is so that _you_ wouldn't have to choose. And I'm only allowed here because of her." Allen could feel the angry tears burning in his eyes. They'd had this argument before, and it always played out the same way.

Allen and Lavi had had an on-going relationship, kept mostly secret except from a few close friends at the Order. During the war, they had found and brought back Ari, then only five years old. She'd been an accommodator, and as such needed to stay at the Black Order. Since he and Lavi had found her, they took care of her and eventually ended up adopting her as their own.

But when Bookman had died and Lavi took over for his Master near the war's end, things changed.

With more responsibilities in his new role as Bookman, Allen saw Lavi drift away, physically and mentally. Lavi had always said when the war was over, he and Allen wouldn't be able to stay together. But when Ari entered their lives, things only grew more complicated.

It was easier when they were still trapped in war. They had ties to the Order, to fighting the Earl and the Noah. But once the enemy had been defeated, there was nothing keeping them together besides Ari.

Allen had expected Lavi to leave like he'd said he would. He'd been prepared for that inevitability for years at that point. But, Lavi stayed. And when the Clan told him to report to another assignment, Lavi had devised a plan to keep them together.

Ari would become his new apprentice. He needed one regardless, and she was a good candidate. Even at a young age, she was smart quick to learn new things. With her as his apprentice and Allen tagging along as an unofficial "supporter" to the Bookman Clan, they could stay together – like a family. Allen had agreed, even with his misgivings about letting their daughter study to become a Bookman. He'd seen how difficult it was for Lavi, and even now, they were breaking rules to keep together. But Lavi wouldn't quit, no matter how much Allen begged him to, and Ari agreed to join to keep their family together. It was the perfect plan – a way for all of them to get what they wanted.

Only, things weren't that easy.

Moving from place to place was hard enough, but they had to keep their familial ties secret as they traveled. Allen had to remember to call Lavi "Bookman" when in the presence of others, saving the name of his last persona for times when they were alone. Ari had to keep from calling either of them "dad" or "papa." Worst yet, Allen grew wearier watching his daughter sink further into herself. She had been bright and happy before studying to be a Bookman, always chattering away and constantly smiling. Now, she grew quiet and withdrawn. Her nose was constantly in one book or another. And, God, Allen couldn't remember the last time he'd seen her smile. It wore on him.

Lavi pursed his lips, staring back at Allen. He had the decency to look ashamed at the accusation Allen threw his way. "That's not true. You know it's not. I want you here, too."

"Don't lie to me." Allen's voice wavered then, his anger quickly turning into sorrow. "If we didn't have Ari, you would've left years ago – without a second thought. So, _don't_ lie to me. We both know better than that."

Lavi stood there, his mouth half open and ready to protest, but the words never came. He didn't move or speak, just stared at Allen with an indiscernible look on his face.

Allen swallowed, the lump in his throat burning. He knew if he wasn't careful, he'd end up crying. Not knowing what else to do, he turned around and headed for the door, grabbing his jacket and boots on the way.

"Al?" Lavi called out behind him, worry in his voice. "Where are you going?"

"I don't know. I just—I can't be here right now." He kept his silver eyes away from Lavi, yanking on his boots in a hurry. Lavi kept a few steps back, but he could feel his gaze burning a hole through him. Without looking behind him, he left, slamming the door on his way out.

xXxXxXx

Lavi stared at the door, his heartbeat pounding in his ears. Allen left. He left…

Rubbing at his face, Lavi resisted the urge to scream in frustration. He had wanted to deny Allen's accusations, throw them back in his face, but even hearing those words left him too numb to speak. Allen truly believed that Lavi didn't want him here, that he didn't care—

That he didn't love him.

It was stupid. Ridiculous. Of course he loved Allen. How could he not see that? They'd been together for years, through the worst shit imaginable. They fought side by side, had nearly died too many times to count, and still managed to come out alive, and together.

But this… this hurt like a bitch. If Allen doubted their relationship this much, Lavi knew his claims weren't baseless. It only reminded him how stubborn and cold he'd grown in the last two years.

With a sigh, Lavi sat down at his desk again, though he couldn't concentrate on the work at all. He wanted to run after Allen, slap some sense into him, and let him know that he was wrong – that he _did_ care. But going after him now would only exacerbate the situation, and their fight would draw out longer. It was best to let him cool down before talking again.

He sat there for nearly fifteen minutes, just staring at the open book in front of him and not reading a word on the page, when he heard a noise. He dismissed it at first, too caught up with his own thoughts to pay attention. But after a moment, he recognized the sound.

Crying.

It was soft and muffled, but unmistakable. Standing up and heading towards the bedrooms, he followed the noise until he reached Ari's room. He listened for another moment before knocking on the door. "Ari?"

The sniffling ceased, replaced with the sound of mattress springs squeaking and blankets shuffling on the bed. When he didn't receive a reply, Lavi opened the door. The lamp on the desk was still lit, burning low. He spied Ari in bed, her back towards him as she wiped at her face.

"Ari, what's wrong?" Lavi sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing her back softly.

"N-Nothing," she mumbled, still curled up in the blankets.

"C'mon, little bean," he urged, giving her a soft smile. "No need to hide. What's wrong? You can tell me anything."

Her shoulders shook, still trying to hold in the tears. "It's my fault."

"What is?"

"I heard the fight… and Papa left." She tugged the blankets closer to her chest, still not looking back at Lavi. "It's my fault he left."

Lavi blinked, and he felt his heart sink into his stomach. "What? Wh…" He shook his head trying to understand her confession. "Why would you think that?"

"You two are always fighting about me." Her voice was so soft, he could barely hear it.

"No," Lavi said, swallowing down the miasma of guilt rolling in his stomach. "It's not your fault. It's _never_ your fault, Ari. C'mere." He gently pulled her up from the bed, setting her in his lap as he leaned back against the headboard. He hugged her tight to his chest as she buried her face in his shirt.

"I don't—" she sniffled, cutting herself off. "I don't want you _or_ Papa to leave. I'll try harder to be a better Bookman. I swear, Dad. I'll study harder. I'll make sure that I won't fail next time."

Lavi felt like an asshole, listening to Ari desperately try to make things better. How did he not realize this was happening? No wonder Allen was pissed at him. He fucking deserved it. Pressing a kiss on top of her head, Lavi shushed her. "No, sweetie. Don't you worry about that. We're not going to leave you. I promise."

"But Papa already left, and—"

"He's coming back," Lavi reassured her, cutting off her frantic words. "He just needed time to think. Papa's not going anywhere."

Ari wiped at her eyes, one hand still clinging to the front of his shirt. "But what about you?"

"Me?"

"…Are you going to leave?"

Her question hit him like a train, leaving him speechless for a long moment. He stared down at the top her head, glad that she couldn't see his face. "What makes you think that?"

She sniffled and clenched her hand tighter in his shirt. "I hear you fighting. And sometimes Papa says you'll leave one day."

Lavi bit at his lower lip, knowing exactly what she was talking about. It had always been a sore point between he and Allen, that Lavi had planned to leave and go his own way once he'd finished recording with the Black Order. The longer they were together, the harder it would be to part. They both knew it. Lavi had thought that once Ari started training to become a Bookman, Allen would've felt more at ease — that he'd realize Lavi wasn't planning on going anywhere anymore.

Fuck, he'd been so wrong.

"It's… it' complicated," Lavi finally said.

"Because you're a Bookman?"

"Yeah…"

The air fell heavy in the room when Ari spoke once more. "So, Papa is right? You are going to leave?"

Lavi squeezed her tighter to his chest. "No, little bean. I'm going to stay." He ran his fingers through her hair, hoping to soothe her. "I just have to make sure your Papa knows it, too."

"Promise?"

"Promise." Lavi gave her one more kiss. "Okay. How about we get you to sleep now? It's way past your bed time." He tried to pull her out of his lap, but she continued to cling to his shirt.

"Dad? Can I just… I can stay with you?"

With a sigh, Lavi shifted her weight in his arms and lifted her up. He smiled, unable to refuse the request. "Sure. Let's go to the other room and wait for your Papa to get back home."

Ari rested her head against his chest and nodded. "Okay."

xXxXxXx

Allen couldn't tell how long he'd been gone. A couple hours, at least, if his chilled skin was any indication. He had walked around the city the entire time, keeping his head down and letting his thoughts run wild. He'd called Lavi every name he could think of as he stormed down the streets until he wore himself out and finally decided to return home.

When he entered, the lights in the living room were extinguished. After kicking off his shoes and hanging his coat, he locked the door and went to his bedroom. He could see the light glowing from under the door, and he frowned. He didn't want to deal with Lavi tonight, and if he was still up, Allen knew he was waiting for him to return.

However, when he opened the door, his frown disappeared. Lavi was awake still, and quietly reading a book. But what Allen hadn't expected was to see their daughter curled up next to him and sleeping soundly. He crossed the room and sat down on the opposite side of the bed as Lavi had, with Ari between them. "What's this?" he asked, keeping his voice low. He brushed the hair out of Ari's sleeping face, then tucked the blankets around her sleeping form.

"She was upset. Thought you might not come back," Lavi whispered, closing his book and setting it on the table.

"Shit— I didn't think she heard us." Allen sighed and leaned back against the pillows. He threw an arm over his eyes and just stayed there for a long moment, unmoving.

"Al?" Lavi asked, breaking the silence that had strung out between them.

"Hm?" Allen didn't move from his position.

Lavi reached out and grabbed Allen's left hand, his thumb rubbing over the scarred flesh. "I'm sorry."

Allen pulled his hand back from his face, and let out another sigh. "I am, too. I'm sorry, Lavi."

"No—" Lavi sat up, careful not to disturb Ari with his movements. He made sure Allen looked at his face, that their eyes met, and Allen shivered at the heat of his gaze. "I'm sorry that you think I don't love you."

Allen shivered, then sat up. His hand was still in Lavi's, their fingers entwined. "…I never said you didn't love me."

"No, but you think it. I know you do." Lavi held his gaze on Allen's face, even if Allen couldn't meet it any longer. "I love you, Allen. I've always loved you."

He felt his silver eyes tear up at the words, and scrubbed quickly at his face. "Lavi…"

Pulling him in closer, Lavi pressed his face against Allen's shoulder, kissing his neck once before hugging him tight. "I love you and Ari so much. I need you to know that— I need you to know that I won't leave you, _either_ of you."

Allen felt the tears rolling down his cheeks then, but he didn't bother to hide it. He hugged Lavi back, hands digging into his shirt. He opened his mouth to speak, but all that came out was a soft, choked sob. He shook his head and pressed his face into the crook of Lavi's neck.

Lavi took a breath. "Al… I've been thinking… Maybe I really should quit."

Allen wiped at his eyes then pulled back to look at Lavi, confusion on his face. "Quit?"

"Being a Bookman. I don't… I don't want this to be the thing that tears us apart. It's not worth it. Not if I'm going to lose you or Ari over it."

"Lavi… But… You said you never wanted to quit — that you've been working too hard for this to give it all up."

"Yeah, well… I guess I found something more important to me."

Allen smiled, then leaned in to kiss him. Their lips lingered for a long moment, and Allen held Lavi's face with a gentle touch. When they finally pulled away, Lavi met Allen's smile with one of his own.

"We should probably get some sleep."

With a nod, Allen reluctantly leaned back, taking his own side of the bed as Lavi stretched out on the opposite side, with Ari still sound asleep between them. Allen pressed a quick kiss to her forehead before relaxing back against the pillows and blankets.

"Lavi?"

"Yeah, Al?"

"I love you, too."

Lavi grinned and closed his eye against the dim light from the lamp. "I know."


End file.
